Maudlin

Today is bringing with it a crisis of feelings.  I don't really need to bore you with all the details and dilemmas of my post-collegiate existence, but suffice it to say, I haven't really contributed much to either my own enrichment or society at large.  I wanted to take it easy after school for a couple months but all I've been successful at so far is stagnation.

So... today's question, as I've paced around the room drinking my french pressed coffee (made only on indulgent days, which are alarmingly more frequent) is how I can start merging the experiences I'd like to have with the existence I currently am gripped by.  At the moment they seem extremely far apart.

I'll tell you what I'm going to start with.  Re-reading some Kerouac.  We cleaned out some boxes yesterday and I found the copy I gave to Will years ago.   Only a few days earlier I was thinking I might need to glance through the tome again, in hopes of rewarding myself with some much needed passion and madness.  The universe might be telling me something by thrusting the book in front of me.

The things I hope to embrace in my life - the accomplishment, the experiences and adventures certainly don't favor the docile and unfortunately, that is exactly what I am right now.  Docile with a complete lack of tenacity.  Perhaps the most frightening thing about all of this is how boring of a person I feel I'm becoming.  Rather, how boring I am allowing myself to become.  

This does not bode well.

I feel like I've slowed my intake of art and culture, given up on intellectualism of any kind.  The only breather I take from such dulling is when surrounded by my friends, who are infinitely more creative, complex, insightful and enjoyable than I deserve to have.  Why can't I take their influences as catalysts?  Why do I move at such a snail's pace?

Okay, this is the very definition of maudlin.  And isn't a blog supposed to airy, light and fun?  Apologies will be handed out (much like my High School diploma) at the concession stand after the service.

UP NEXT:  Something more light and fun.  Maybe with a dash of cuteness.  Kittens perhaps?  We'll see what a google search reveals:

Yes, a stuffed turtle in ugly colors that projects a fake nighttime sky on your ceiling in various shades of illumination.  Perhaps I should've been a little more specific that I wasn't looking for an actual light, so here's a second option:

 

Admittedly I went with this only because I like snow leopards.  They're pretty much my favorite animal. Also, should you ever bring them up in my presence I will inform you that they can jump 40 feet from a standing position.  40 #*$%ing feet!  Anyway, here's a snow leopard cub.  It's cute, it has light colored fur, but it's probably only fun if you're not being viciously attacked by it's defensive mother.  I wonder how many random girls that sentence might also describe?

Now that I've made pseudo-good on my posting promises, I do hope your day is filled with projected stars and dangerous endangered animals.