23 November 2011

Is it Wrong?

That I'm seriously irritated by the apathy which surrounds me?

The funny thing is, it's not even my own apathy (which is usually the case in abundance) but of people I consider important in my life.

I haven't bothered to tell but a few that I'm leaving. Only those who have taken the time to actually stay in touch or return my calls. It's funny that in all I have going on, virtually no one (save one or two rather impressive individuals) have bothered to even ask how I'm doing. That's okay. We all have lives. It's just a question of whether you wish make the effort to be included in someone else's. I'm just as guilty of this, and it's a selfish and equally guilty desire that people should rally around me as my life seems to be cruising in the turbulent lane - the one with the shredded tire, crashed Subaru and lost paint cans.

Still, this has prompted me to make a short list (a very short list) of people to see before I go. I haven't much time left.

Everyone else will figure it out. Eventually.

I'm sure this is a hypocritical entry, and I'm likely the worst kind of friend. I try not to be. I try. Perhaps we reap what we sow, right? Anyway this is just a random vent.

Pay it no heed.

18 November 2011

Languidly Disconsolate

I feel like I'm going fucking insane. Seriously.

Life has been shit for a while now.

I keep checking my phone like it has answers. Like it will somehow provide a satisfying escape but instead just find myself checking my email or facebook for the umpteenth time.

And on the wings of a funeral I get a call that will change everything. I was nervous with anticipation but now am just pretending it's not happening.

And sure, I'm scared. It's a good opportunity, isn't it? Isn't it? I say that with hesitation. Because everything about this future I'm embracing seems wrong.

Everything except the price tag.