28 December 2008

Midnight Meat Train-Wreck

I've heard of movies being released in theaters. I've heard of movies being released straight to DVD. Usually these are the sub-par selections however and come with a certain connotation concerning it's viewing pleasure. This is not to say that all movies released in theaters are decent of course. I've seen my share of awful films while sitting in a darkened cinema (**cough The Strangers... Alexander... cough**). The latter experience is of course worse in some ways as my defense against bombarding cinematic expression of a lousy caliber is to mock it senselessly. With others. Out loud. Okay, talking in a theater is generally a cardinal sin. I can't stand people discussing a movie while said movie is playing. But sometimes, there's just no other way to survive, quite figuratively.

In an interesting twist, the movie Midnight Meat Train did neither of these things. In our area at least, the film came straight to the dollar theater. Apparently of wasn't bad enough for dvd, or perhaps they'd already advertised it and couldn't back off a release. Either way it deinotely wasn't good enough for a full priced ticket.

Luck would have it that I didn't pay to watch it, thus the only thing lost was a little piece of my soul. We saw it on demand, with a nice little intro from Clive Barker, the director. Barker, of Hellraiser fame, was obviously aware of the terrible reviews as he issued a disclaimer, "I really am proud of this movie..." He said it as though one would find such a statement hard to believe. And after watching Meat Train, I truly do find that hard to believe.

The plot, such as it was, may have been bizarre and ridiculous, bit that didn't stop it being predictable as well. If half the thought that went into the gore effects (my favorite was the wife running from the butcher only to slip on her husbands eyeball) was applied to the script the movie just might have palatable. Maybe.

I'm sorry, did I say the plot was predictable? It was except for the creatures. Yes the creatures sideswiped the film like that asshole student driver who forgets to check his blindspots.

So you follow a creepy killer with disturbing growths (which, FYI he cuts off and saves in jars) who mercilessly butchers people and Oh Shit! We need and end to this movie, what if these monsters live in the subway tunnel and to keep them from overunning the earth the killer feeds them these people, all in about the last 5 minutes of the movie.

Are we even watching the same film? Are we?

I'm sorry if I ruined this movie for you, but then again, I didn't. This movie ruined this movie for you. It was such a disturbing experience, I can only recommend that everyone see this film immediately. Then you too can lose a little more of your soul.

Posted with LifeCast

21 December 2008

Konicted to his kanooder

Sunday dinner is always a good time at my parents house. Truth be told it's kinda daunting to outsiders since it is mainly spent with all of us being funny at the expense of everyone else. This meal however was spent with colin and I using our iPhones through the whole meal. This phone has the power to change you in ways you've never dreamed of. Mostly a loss of friends and vision as you stare for countless hours at a small but beautiful screen.

It's worth the sacrifice.

Oh, and the post title comes from my mother's less than eloquent yelling at us for ignoring human contact.

19 December 2008


Alright, so I look like I just woke up. Whatever. Maybe I did. You don't know.

Anyway, Christmas came early this year. And thanks to the BF, I am now the proud owner of an iPhone 3g (in classy, Dark-as-My-Soul-Black). I admit I've garnered a slight addiction to technology. Particularly fun technology. So naturally, with my love of my mac combined with all the cool stuff one can do with an iPhone, I've been lusting after these babies for a while. I haven't stopped playing with it since I got it. In fact, I can post to this blog with it. Which I am. And you are now going to receive even more frequent updates than ever before! Although they may also be significantly more lame. Like a random picture of somebody I see and can't help wondering "Did you really go outside like that?" Now I can share it with everyone! Happy day!

So if my blog devolves into a slush pool of wardrobe critiques or bagels that look like the Blessed Mother... apologies in advance.

(Oh, and P.S. thanks to you hombres who are following me. As a reward, you've secured yourself a place in my will. I needed someone to give all my My Little Ponies to...)

16 December 2008

Finals and Followers

Finals are extremely... busy. In conclusion, I will update and post more soon. I just need to survive this week.

Oh, while we're on the subject (or not) I'm going to heed the instructions and tell you: you should follow my blog. Just click on the link on the side and join the misery. Everyone's doing it. Besides if you don't I'll have to remove the gadget so I don't look lame for only having two followers (although they are two awesome followers, of course). Don't think I won't.

06 December 2008

Darwinian Theory meets Personal Taste

It occurs to me that, in the last while, most of these entries haven't been thought-provoking in the extreme. To celebrate this fact, I am adding one more post before I move on to darker contemplations.

Everyone has crushes on celebrities. Its inevitable, really, since all our media does is attempt to turn average people into incredibly beautiful, bigger-than-life sex icons (usually riddled with personal problems, though that's another blog). I certainly have some of my own. To name a few, more traditional ones:




But more interesting than the typically revered are the bizarre choices. People you find yourself attracted to on an individually preferential basis, often mystifying others, and sometimes yourself, as to why. Hang-ups aside, I believe everyone also have these... inclinations to oddities. How else do you justify some of the characters in this world finding spouses?

Thus tonight I present, for your viewing pleasure, a couple of my less traditional infatuations:

Neil Patrick Harris. I'm pretty sure I have a minor crush on him. Which is weird... maybe. Perhaps its the down-to-earth, do-gooder thing. I don't know.


A second runner in this category... Mr. Anderson Cooper.


He's just so darn knowledgeable. And really sports the silver hair thing well, considering he's in his early 40's.

And there you have it folks, my light-on-intellect fare for today. Though naturally this post begs the question:

Who are your weird crushes?