26 June 2007

Disneyland Accomplishment List

I just wanted to tell you:


Yes, I know, you're saying, "But Peter, you just went this spring!" Its true, I did. But now I'm going again, and I'm excited. If you're not, you can blow me.

Peter's List of Things to Do at Disneyland

-Touch Big Ben. No, sicko, the clock on Peter Pan. That still sounds wrong.

-Eat a Dole Whip (Whip it good)

-Say hello to the carousel horses I lost money on. and maybe fight my evil twin while I'm at it.

-Get the f*cking Wisdom path on Indiana Jones

-Have some asians take pictures of me

-Give that bitch at the River Belle Terrace a piece of my mind

-Eat a giant turkey leg, while wandering around 300 lbs overweight and in size SM tank top

-Meet Maleficent

-Don't sleep all night before going, to enjoy hitting your 7th or so wall, and wish desperately that the park stocked enough coffee

-Throw up a little Blue Ribbon Bakery Love

-Say hello to the Bear of Lust

-Steal some baby switch passes for the Matterhorn

-Make someone sick on the teacups, feigning like you don't spin much

-Kill everyone else at Buzz Lightyear

-Get the goddamned magic mirror to tell me my disney character twin is someone besides Hopper

-Lose DG sunglasses and force lost and found to search for, then mail them to me

-Learn exactly why the Cretaceous period is between Tomorrowland and Main Street

-Sneak into the underground tunnels the workers use

-Enjoy some pot roast in 90+ degree weather

-Re-iterate how Alice in Wonderland ride has no real point

-Knock people down trying to get first fast passes to Splash Mountain, even though one could just walk on the ride at that point...

-Get paid to do Velociraptor impressions

-Use the 2 hour travel time from Disney Parking Garage to Disneyland for constructive team building exercises

-Buy a shitload of useless gimmic-y stuff that I don't need, but will feel inclined to buy while in park

And so on. If those sound odd, its because you haven't done Disneyland with me. A.k.a. Disneyland the Right Way. It should be a blast. Wish you were coming. Maybe.

10 June 2007

I misplaced the carving knife.

I have a beef.

A big, slow-roasted beef.

And I want to carve into it, let you enjoy all the succulent juices that drip out as the knife tears the flesh and sinew into jagged pieces. All metaphorically of course.

But since its 11:41, and I'm tired and I have to work all day tomorrow, I'll perhaps leave that hunk of meat for another meal, and instead give you a bit of smoked carpaccio as an appetizer, to whet your salivary glands.

Margaret Cho once made the scathing and entertaining comment to straight people that if you "watch Will & Grace but don't support gay marriage, then FUCK YOU!"

An appropriate and wonderful insight. I have one of my own though of a similar vein:

If you're gay, enjoy the culture and the scene, but aren't politically active or involved in trying to secure the rights that allow you the benefits, then FUCK YOU!

And that is all I have to say for tonight. Brevity is becoming. Sometimes.