Santa baby, I've been an awful good girl...

Too much time and nothing to do... well, relatively. I mean Christmas is coming and there's all sorts to be done with that, limited of course by my lack of cash. But really, isn't it all supposed to be about love? Or at least virgins giving birth without sex (somebody got screwed in that arrangement. Or didn't, more accurately.) Since when has Christmas become such a material holiday?

Which reminds me! I present for you, my...

Christmas List 2006
1. an airship (one endorsed by elite mercenaries)

2. a relaxing, extended vacation in the quiet resort town of Silent Hill...

3. rubber. sillicone, latex, take your pick.

4. self-grooming monkey. preferrably one that flies. if they're out of stock, get one with wheels for hands and feet instead.

5. some sort of body guard to protect my extremely large brain from zombies...

6. dinner with batman, and possible foreplay afterward

7. trekking gear. just because, okay? maybe i wanna trek. you ever think of that?

8. an eye infection from pig's blood... oh wait, that's just plain STUPID

9. the kid next to me to turn down the f***ing strongbad emails - sure they're good but we're in the library, writing VERY important blogs for god's sake!! And stop reading what I write you bastard next-to-me-kid. If I wanted your friendship, you'd be on my myspace.

10. for the WWE to utilize it's wrestlers incredible acting skills in breakout horror cinema... um... oh. well that's awkward.

11. For someone, anyone, to recognize that not all (just 98%) of americans are unintelligent and pick up Arrested Development.

12. Gwen Stephani's class and classic hair. (She doesn't do a loaner policy however, you'll have to steal it.)

13. A new pack of razors, to help curb the emotional pain.

14. To pass this final i'm avoiding studying for by writing a blog about christmas gifts...

and finally,

15. Evergreen edition of nard-shockers to cure my sickness. (In gold please, it's gotta match the diamonds in my grill)

Anyway, so it's Christmas, and you're welcome to give me any of the above items. Not that that's important. It's not. But don't bother coming by unless you've got something for me.

And as a matter of disclaimer, everyone I am buying for is getting a candy bar. Think of it, portable and delicious! NO REQUESTS PLEASE. "Can't wait?" I thought not. And if I really like you, you'll get one of these:

Portable, delicious, and deep fried!!! Mmmm... Could you make a snickers bar more healthy?

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.