Just one of those Lunar Destruction Days (LDD's)

Trip trap, tip, tap. Just a few minutes before class.

So it's one of those days.

Do you realize you can say "one of those days" and people will automatically pretend like they understand? "Oh one of those days..." Like it's universal even though it's so generic as to make no real communicative sense at all. In fact, people saying this are either looking for a segue into a long dissertation on what today actually is, or simply being deflective without saying "I don't want to talk to you."

Regardless, I find that whenever I feel down (or afraid, I just whistle a happy tune. Or think of my favorite things. Which incidentally have nothing to do with schnitzel and noodle) it helps to throw myself into the business of things - see people, be productive, etc. This perhaps is the largest contributing factor to making myself feel better, though instinct tells me it's big-ticket shopping. Unfortunately I don't have the money for that right now, so I'll settle for trying to make a semblence of my shambled drive and work ethic.

It also stands to reason that if that will make me feel better, it's the last thing on earth I want to do. And for the record, why is it some mornings you just wake up wondering why you suddenly feel as though the moon is eminantly going to crash into the earth and destroy life as we know it. This feeling is then met by your brain who reminds you, not so kindly since it's probably groggy and anticipating a cup o' joe or some such, no, you won't be so lucky as to have all your problems sovled by a interplanetary object collision. No, you'll have to get up and feel pathetic, annoyed and generally frustrated with everyone else, despite (or especially) because it's really your own issue with yourself.

I don't know why.

But today marks another day in the infrequent concern for the survival of your ability to reason and reckon with life. It may be like loosing the debate if you think of it like that. The constant argument between you and fate as to who is in control of your life.
"I am," you say firmly, intent on holding your ground.
"Really?" says fate, who then starts throwing things at you. Eventally you recover and balance yourself once more and declare yourself completely stable.
"You have to admire the determination," sighs fate who then begins throwing things at you... again.

And so goes life. We're never really prepared for what gets thrown at us and no matter how hard we try to get to a certain point, we'll always realize there's more to be done, to become, and to understand.

It is the curse of living. The insatiable emptiness that drives us constantly forward looking for things which will make us happy and whole. The sad rationality is that its insatiable and if we ever became static, happy and whole, we probably wouldn't be happy. Irony abounds.

So today I turn my attention to being productive and busy. And to friends - having lunch or phone conversations with positive people who remind me that, oh yes, I am doing alright and that fate can't keep me down for long...

Oh fuck - it looks like he's reloading.